VIEWPOINTS

August 27th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Bad Times With Good Times Guy
- Stefanie

The other night Sunshine Girl and I were hanging out with a group of friends and talking about some of her finer first dates. That is to say, we were telling embarrassing stories about some of the dudes she has gone out with. I’m pretty sure we can all agree there have been some winners. Good Times Guy was no exception.

Me: “Tell the Good Times Guy story – pleeease!”

Sunshine Girl: “Fine. But then we are telling an embarrassing story about you.”

I said, “Of course we will.” But I really meant, “There is no way we are telling any of those stories.”

August 20th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Mouthwash, Gatorade, and Next Choice: Miss Inappropriate’s July 5th Starts With a Bang
- Stefanie

The other day I was hanging out with Miss Inappropriate and commenting on how dangerous it is to keep Next Choice and Benadryl in the same drawer. When you are trying to take Benadryl after having the world’s largest margaritas, those pink boxes start to look real similar. Luckily, the pills inside don’t.

[A note from our pregnancy-prevention sponsor: Keeping Next Choice (emergency contraception, or Plan B), on hand is a good idea. That way if you need it, you don’t have to get up, get dressed, and find a drugstore that will sell it to you.]

August 13th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Ladies, Get Your Camo, It's (Husband) Hunting Season!
- Stefanie

The other night I was having drinks with Sassy Girl and catching up on her recent date.

Me: “How was your date with Coffee Guy?”

Sassy Girl: “Um, interesting.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound good.”

The story goes like this: Sassy Girl first met Coffee Guy at the Starbucks by her work. They would stand in line together, flirt, and go back to their respective cube farms. After about a week he asked for her number and called later to ask her to “grab a drink after work.”

August 6th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

The Drama Duo: Oh, the Humanity
- Stefanie

Remember that one time. . . .

In college I was very good friends with Drama Dude and Drama Chick--their names should tell you where this is going. They were drama. They broke up and got back together all the time. Throughout college they loved each other, hated each other, and were “on a break,” more times than I could count.

After graduation, Drama Dude moved back to his home town and Drama Chick moved to another country for a job. They decided that long-distance would be too hard and broke up. I mean, it’s kind of impossible to make a rocky relationship last over thousands of miles. But staying true to form, they still talked all the time.

July 30th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Burbs Boy and the Work of Shame
- Stefanie

The other day I was talking to Sunshine Girl about meeting up for dinner. Turns out she already had plans with Burbs Boy.

Me: “I can’t believe you guys are still friends.”

Sunshine Girl: “Why do you say that?”

Me: “Because making out with your friends rarely works out well – especially when you also work together.”

Sunshine Girl: “It’s because no one at work knew we made out.”

Me: “How did they not know? You guys left a work function together and he came to work the next day wearing the same clothes!”

Sunshine Girl: “Miss Boss knew he had stayed the night somewhere, but she didn’t know it was at my house.”

July 23rd, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Knock Knock - Commitment.
- Stefanie

The other day I was having drinks with Little Miss Witty. We were comparing moving stories. You know, how long it took to finish packing, who showed up to help move boxes...things of that nature. She won, hands down.

Little Miss Witty: “So Slacker Dude asked if he could come over and ‘help me pack.’ Which I was pretty sure was code for ‘let’s have sex.’ Turns out it was neither.”

Me: “What? Did he bail? Was ‘helping you pack’ too much commitment for him?”

Little Miss Witty smirked: “Well played.”

July 16th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Anxious Girl Takes A Trip Down Memory Lane. . .
- Stefanie

The other day I got a call from Anxious Girl.

Anxious Girl: “Oh, do I have a story for you…”

Me: “About who?”

Anxious Girl: “Remember College Boy?”

Me: “You mean the guy you liked all the way through college, made out with senior year, and have had a simmering crush on ever since? That guy?”

Anxious Girl: “Did you write that down?”

Me: “Nah, I just remember stuff.”

Anxious Girl: “Well he came and visited last weekend.”

Me: “And. . . .?”

Anxious Girl took a deep breath.

Anxious Girl: “We made out and it was really bad. Like he-bruised-my-lip bad.”

Me: “ Go on…”

July 9th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Miss Manners and Captain Courteous Go Halfsies
- Stefanie

The other night I met Miss Manners for happy hour. She was asking my advice on switching birth control methods. Don’t you talk about birth control in a crowded bar? I think the two dudes sitting next to us got a very useful refresher course in both manners and pregnancy prevention. You’re welcome.

Miss Manners: “I think I want to switch to a long –lasting method.”

Me: “That is a good idea. I know a couple people who have recently switched and they love it.”

Miss Manners: “Yes, I think it’s time. I’m tired of my method. Plus, Captain Courteous is going to pay for half.”

I look at Miss Manners amazed. I start to get a little choked up.

July 2nd, 2010 | Stefanie Says

Stefanie Discovers Counting is Subjective
- Stefanie

The other day I was hanging out with Peppermint Patty and talking about her boyfriend, Boy Genius.

Me: “How long have you guys been together now?”

Peppermint Patty: “Well it depends on who you ask?”

Me: “Don’t you just start counting from your first date?”

Peppermint Patty: “But Boy Genius counts from when he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Me: “Really? But that was a month after your first date. Do you care?”

Peppermint Patty: “I could care less. I don’t think we have ever even talked about it.”

Me: “Huh, maybe it’s just a gender thing?”

Peppermint Patty: “Maybe.”

Me: “Well…but…hmmm.”

I sat in contemplative silence

Peppermint Patty: “How you doing over there?”

June 25th, 2010 | Stefanie Says

And We Will Call Her "Business Week"
- Stefanie

About two years ago I started getting text messages from Hippie Chick that said, “Knock, knock. . . .(insert name of person from high school you haven’t thought about for years).” I think this is one of the best introductions ever. Class Act and I have taken it upon ourselves to expand the game to include all types of things: Places, movie stars, inanimate objects. For example, “Knock, knock. . . Sizzler,” or “Knock, Knock Andrew Keegan.” Because when was the last time you saw a Sizzler or Andrew Keegan?!

Why on earth am I telling you this? Because there is no set-up to this story besides “Knock, Knock. . . Business Week.”