April 30th 2010

Adventures of a Perpetual Player: A Backwards Trilogy (Part 2)

Previously on Adventures of a Perpetual Player, we learned that Perpetual can’t hold his booze and that he feels like he “Should have loved me better.” Now travel back in time with me to the year 2002.

Adventures of a Perpetual Player: I thought that’s what you wanted.

Living situations in college are weird. Some people live in dorms, some live off-campus with six people shoved into a two-bedroom apartment, and some lucky souls (me included) live all by themselves.

Sophomore year of college Perpetual Player, Miss Sarcasm, and Little Miss Tadpole lived in a huge group house with five other people. Miss Sarcasm and Little Miss Tadpole shared a room and also, apparently, shared Perpetual Player.

The story goes like this:

One night a bunch of us went to a bonfire at the beach. Somewhere between making ‘smores and trying to throw each other in the ocean, Perpetual Player asked Miss Sarcasm if she wanted to take a walk. Was anyone able to read that sentence without giggling? Take a walk. . .right.

They got half-way down the beach when he suggested they take a seat.

Perpetual Player: “Can I ask you a question?”

Miss Sarcasm: “Sure.”

Perpetual Player: “Can I kiss you?”

Miss Sarcasm: “Uh. . .umm. . .yes.”

They proceeded to make out on the beach. As they were walking back to our group, Perpetual Player said “We should keep this to ourselves. I don’t want things to get weird in the house.”

Miss Sarcasm: “I’m fine with that. I don’t really like everyone knowing my business.”

And then one of your closest friends decided to write a blog. In the words of Meg McBlogger, “Sorr about the bag.”

The next morning Miss Sarcasm and I were having coffee as she told me about the beach make-out.

Miss Sarcasm: “So what do you think?”

Me: “About making out with Perpetual Player? Or him not wanting you to tell anyone?”

Miss Sarcasm: “Both.”

Me: “I think as long as no one puts on their awkward pants it should be fine.”

About a week later, Little Miss Tadpole came home from a late-night study session.

Little Miss Tadpole: “I have to tell you something, Miss Sarcasm.”

Miss Sarcasm: “Go on.”

Little Miss Tadpole: “I made out with Perpetual Player in the library.”

Miss Sarcasm: “Really? Did he tell you ‘We should keep this to ourselves. I don’t want things to get weird in the house’?”

Little Miss Tadpole: “Yeah, how did you know?”

Miss Sarcasm: “Because he said the same thing to me when we made out at the beach.”

Little Miss Tadpole: “I had no idea! Please don’t be mad at me.”

Miss Sarcasm: “I don’t care, please. It’s Perpetual Player--I figured I wasn’t the only girl he was making out with.”

Little Miss Tadpole: “But we share a room. Didn’t he think we would talk about it? Is he really that stupid?”

Miss Sarcasm: “Apparently.”

For three weeks Little Miss Tadpole and Miss Sarcasm both made out with Perpetual Player. They would hang out with him and then come home and giggle about it. He had no idea they had figured him out. Which just made them laugh harder.

One night Perpetual Player called Miss Sarcasm and said “Meet me at the observatory tonight. I want to look at the stars.” Miss Sarcasm showed up thinking “look at the stars” really meant “make out” but she was wrong. “Look at the stars” really meant “we need to talk.”

Perpetual Player: “I don’t think we should make out anymore.”

Miss Sarcasm: “Umm. . .okay.”

Perpetual Player: “I should have never kissed you at the beach.”

Miss Sarcasm: “Then why did you?”

Perpetual Player: “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

Miss Sarcasm: “You are so right. Now I can die happy, because all I have ever wanted is for you to want me. Jackass.” Her name is Miss Sarcasm for a reason. And with that she got up and walked back to the house.

The next night Little Miss Tadpole came home and told Miss Sarcasm that Perpetual Player said “they shouldn’t make out anymore because it wasn’t fair to Miss Sarcasm.” Little Miss Tadpole told him he was a jackass and promptly came home.

*****

Tune in next week for “Adventures of a Perpetual Player: Why did you think we were dating?”