October 26th 2009

Good Things Happen in Threes

The last time we paused to ponder the portrayal of sex on television, images of instant orgasms and hairless bodies floated into our minds and we mercilessly criticized those scripted acts of love. I’m going to put it out there: I may have been too quick to judge.

I just watched last week’s episode of the CBS sitcom “Accidentally on Purpose.” Jenna Elfman’s character, Billie, is by now well into her pregnancy and therefore sidelined from dating. The baby’s daddy, Zack, played by super-cute Jon Foster, is at least ten years her junior and wasn’t supposed to be more than a one night stand. Hearing the biological clock ticking from inside, she decides to keep the baby and the father. She allows Zack to move in and become the “platonic yet immensely flirtatious” friend who lives down the hall.

Billie jumps on the opportunity to "keep her dating muscles from atrophying" during her pregnancy by giving Zack’s friend, Davis, dating advice. Had every straight, single male in the world been watching and taking note, we could have been dealing with a revolution right about now.

Watching him repeatedly approach and be rejected by girls, she advised him to stop hitting on pairs of girls and instead to look for groups of three or more. Her logic: girls won’t leave other girls alone to go home with a guy, so even if a girl is into you, girl code will trump attraction and you’ll end up back in square one, alone. However, she reasons that with a group of three girls, one is bound to be taken, another is bound to be sober, and the third girl--statistically speaking of course--is probably tipsy enough and good to go (it’s just math). The more girls there are, the higher the odds that at least one of them is that third girl.

Now, I’m not necessarily conceding that 1 in 3 girls is bound to go home with you, but the point is still there. Even if a girl doesn’t go home with a guy, being the friend that the girl leaves to talk to the guy is an awkward and rather uncomfortable experience that we’ve all had at one time or another. It’s not easy to be the girl hit on either, forced to balance trying to be a good friend and getting your freak on at the same time.

My solution: either go for the bigger group or invest in a good wingman. Emphasis on “good.” Just having a buddy to entertain the friend is not sufficient and will hinder more than help you. If your buddy is making my friend feel uncomfortable, we are out of there faster than you can ask me what I’d like to drink. My advice is to pick someone with basic motor skills, adequate hygiene and a high competence level in communicating. That’s the key. Your wingman must be able to carry on a conversation; otherwise you’re better off bringing your ottoman out for the night. At least then the friend will be able to sit down and put her feet up.

As for Billie’s advice? Davis takes it, goes for the group of three and walks out with the hot, tipsy girl. I mean, it’s still television, what did you really expect?